


learning to be human

by Shadokin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, F/F, Gen, Mass Effect 3: Citadel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 07:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadokin/pseuds/Shadokin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard saved her clone and decided to hide her in the new apartment</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. taking her in

“And then you live!”

“For what?”

The Clone let go, and Shepard reached out—grabbing her copy by the arm. Her chin thumped the ground and EDI grabbed the back of her armor to keep her from tumbling out of the ship.

On instinct the Clone grabbed back, one arm going behind Shepard’s shoulder, the other clamping on her bicep.

“For yourself!” Shepard said, her voice breathless and harsh as she struggled to lift the Clone. Eventually they were both pulled back into the safety of the cargo bay. Wrex and EDI stepped away from the two, letting them breathe. Joker’s frowning but then the group was distracted by Cortez bringing over a cuffed Brooks. The woman doesn’t say anything to the Clone, and she was removed from the ship while the Clone faced the other way.

“What do we do about… the other you?” Joker asked, eyeing the extra Shepard. The Clone had kept to herself, standing at a distance. She hadn’t said anything and remained docile since the real Shepard saved her.

 “That all depends,” The Commander began, stepping before her clone. “You said you’ve only been awake for six months?”

The Clone met Shepard’s gaze and gave a small nod.

“Would you be willing to help us?” Shepard asked. The Clone hardly had time to respond when Joker let out a surprised “what?” behind them, before trying to cover it with a cough.

“You sure that’s a good idea, Shepard?” Wrex asked. “I know we made jokes about having two of you around, but she tried to kill you. And us.”

“I have to agree, Shepard.” EDI stepped forth. She had talked about killing the Clone for cutting her off from the _Normandy_. Though she was back in control, she might still want payback.

Shepard let their words sink in, eyes still on the Clone. It was nothing like looking in a mirror, their faces were the same but that’s where the resemblance ended. The Clone looked back, angry and disappointed.

“Jane.” The Commander said, peeling her eyes from the Clone and briefly looking to the others.

“Everyone calls me Shepard,” She continued. “So you can have the first name. Unless you want to be called by something else?”

The Clone shook her head, the frown still on her face. Shepard reached out an arm towards her, palm opened. Seconds ticked by before the Clone grabbed the hand, and they shared a firm shake.

“Welcome aboard, Jane.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ridiculous how long it's taken me to put up this first chapter because of anxiety and over-thinking, among other things, when this isn't even supposed to be that serious of a fic. Regardless, the idea of this story was birthed after talking with my friend Alice over our mutual love of Clone Shepard in the Citadel DLC. This is supposed to be a small story, and may not even have a proper plot or closure at the end, just some little showcasing of the Clone trying to find a place among Shepard and her crew.


	2. another grunt

Jane was huddled over her bowl of cereal, standing at the back of the kitchen. Liara and Shepard were seated in the connecting room, with Liara hovering over the piano.

“How did you get her here without us knowing?” Liara asked. The idea of the very person who tried to kill Shepard only hours before now sharing her living space was a bit unsettling.

“I had her stay in the ship until you guys left. I thought with everything that had happened it’d be better to reintroduce her to the rest of the crew slowly.”

“So you lied when you said she fell off the ship?”

“No, not really. She did fall. I just caught her.”

Liara sighed. Jane was still munching away at her food, paying them no attention.

“She’s going to be a handful.”

Shepard smiled. “Consider it practice for the future.”

They were _not_ having this conversation.

“She’s not a child, Shepard.”

“Yeah, but she’s only been conscious for six months.”

“She’s still full grown.”

“So she’s another Grunt.”

“Grunt’s your child. Not mine.”

“Hey, hey, hey. We’re a package deal.”

Goddess, they were having this conversation.

“Besides, aren’t you quarter krogan? He’s practically family.”

Liara stopped playing the keys of the piano, the song’s tune breaking in the air. From the kitchen, Jane looked up.

“Really, Shepard?” Liara asked, but the Commander only leaned closer and quickly pecked her on the cheek. Liara huffed before going back to her keys.

“Considering you birthed the both of them, that makes you the mother.”

“What are you two talking about?” Jane was out of the kitchen, and Liara stiffened in her seat. Shepard touched her shoulder, only pulling away when Liara gave her a smile.

Jane’s eyes went between the pair, catching the silent communication. Suddenly she felt uncomfortable.

“Nothing.” Shepard said and stood up. She walked over the Jane. “Welcome to the family.”

“What?” Jane said, and Shepard had her clone embraced in a hug. Her own arms stayed at her sides, and seeing Liara watching them made her cheeks burn.

“Let go of me.” She told Shepard.  The Commander released her, and Jane stepped away.

“No escaping now, Jane. You’re stuck with us.” Shepard said, and the scowl on the clone’s face softened.

“Whatever.” She said, with no disdain at all.


	3. fitting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though I should state something important here.   
> But I shan't.

Shepard held up her hoodie with the N7 insignia sowed in.

“Here.” She handed it over to Jane, who took it without comment.

“Go on, try it on.” Shepard said, and Jane threw it over what she was already wearing.

“I knew it would fit.” There’s a joke somewhere in there, Jane believed, since Shepard chuckled as she said it.

_Is this funny to you?_ Jane thought but instead said, “I’m not an N7.”

“Neither is James—not yet anyway—and he got a tattoo of it on his back.” Shepard explained and wandered out of the room and through the hall. She liked to walk around the apartment, exploring the rooms. _It must be nice to have a place of your own._

“Which one is James again?” Jane asked, still in Shepard’s room. She could feel the twist in her stomach when Shepard didn’t answer. Instead, the Commander reappeared and leaned against the doorframe.

“You were going to take over my life and you don’t even know the names of the crew?”

The clone pulled at the unzipped hoodie, the fabric in her hands a distraction.

“I wasn’t exactly planning on keeping them around, remember?”

“Right.” Shepard said as though just calling it to mind. “You were going to seal us in the archives.”

“Yeah.” Jane awkwardly got out. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. On one condition.”

Jane raised a brow, and Shepard couldn’t help but think, _still creepy._

“What?”

“Say: I should go.”

Confusion swept over Jane’s expression. Her hands loosened around the hoodie, and she tipped her head away to hide the smirk on her face.

Then, finally, she complied, “I should go.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed.

“I _should_ go.” said Shepard.

“I should _go_.” said Jane.

“ _I_ should go.” said Shepard.

Now Jane’s hands were in the pockets of the hoodie. “I should go?”

“I should go!” Shepard’s voice rose, standing straight and looking to her twin.

“You should go.” Jane said, annoyance creeping into her voice. Shepard came closer.

“No, I should go.” She paused. “I mean yes, you should—wait.”

Jane didn’t even try to hide her smirk. She stepped around Shepard, “I should go.” And left the room, heading down the stairs.

“No, Jane, I should go! You can’t go, _I should go_.”


	4. meep

The apartment was empty. Shepard had left Jane alone, saying she had an errand to run and she’d be back in an hour. It was something with the _Normandy_ , and Jane quickly stopped listening.

There were datapads scattered about the place. She took a seat on the white couch in the room outside the kitchen and picked up the one on the coffee table. She moved to play the audio file before stopping. Her eyes scanned the immediate area.

Someone had given Shepard the apartment. David Anderson, a war hero in his own right. Jane knew enough about him during her six months of life. He was an important figure in Shepard’s, and he was also fighting on the human homeworld. Fighting the Reapers.

She clicked the file. Anderson’s voice filled the room, going on about the _Normandy_ ship. Jane dropped the datapad onto the table and fell back into the couch.                                                                

_“But if you’re lucky, really lucky, you find yourself on a good ship, in front of a good crew.”_

Jane chewed her tongue, glaring at the fireplace.

_“A crew you can trust with your life.”_

There was a _ping_ from behind her. The clone turned around to see the screen by the door blinking red.

With Anderson’s voice continuing in the background, Jane got up and walked over to the screen. She pressed a button.

“Shepard?”

The clone cringed, seeing that it was the quarian from Shepard’s team standing outside the apartment. Great, where was Shepard when she needed her?

“…Tali?”

“Is this a bad time?” The quarian asked. “You said I could come over—”

“Yeah.” Jane said. “Yeah, sure. Come in.” The screen went black and soon the door was opening and Tali was standing right there.

Jane shifted from one leg to the other.

“Can I… get you something?” Jane asked. The lights for eyes behind Tali’s helmet made her uneasy.  She took a step and headed to the kitchen.

“Everything all right, Shepard? You seem distracted.”

Jane opened the fridge door, staring inside to avoid looking at the quarian. “I,” She said. “I was listening to one of Anderson’s files for his biography.”

Tali was leaning over the counter now, just outside the kitchen. The distance eased Jane, and then she looked to the fridge again.

“Uh, I don’t really know what quarians can have.” She said. “You can drink… water, right?”

“What?”

The door across the room opened again, and this time Shepard came into the apartment.

“Jane, get down here, I have something to…” The Commander slowed to a spot upon seeing Tali. Jane’s eyes widened and Tali’s head turned from one way to the next.

“Tali?” Shepard said. “Oh, right, today, hanging out. Okay.” In her arms was a glass container, a small brown furball scampering about. The Commander walked over to the coffee table and set the container down.

Jane closed the fridge door and walked behind the center counter in the middle of the kitchen. Distance was good, that way the quarian couldn’t jump right over the other counter and strangle her.

Of course she might go after Shepard instead, but she doubted she’d be that lucky.

“Before you jump to any conclusions, let me explain what happened.”

“You mean about how you saved your clone and decided to hide her in your apartment?”

Shepard’s face knotted up. “You knew?”

“Liara told me before I came here.” Tali explained, and looked to Jane. “I figured you were keeping her upstairs in one of the rooms and were planning to bring her down once you’d told me what happened.”

“Instead you got to speak to me directly. Sorry I ruined the surprise.” Jane spoke, fuming. “I’ll just get out of your hair.”

She turned and left through the back of the kitchen, trailing up the staircase to get as far away as she could without leaving the apartment.

“I… didn’t tell her you were coming by.” Shepard admitted, hand at the back of her neck.  She looked on over to her hamster, _meeping_ in his little container. “Probably should have thought that one through.”

“It’s not your fault. This was supposed to be shore leave. Now you’re your own babysitter.” Tali said, lifting up to sit on the counter she had been leaning over.

“When you say it like that… I’d rather not think about it at all.”

“But you’re going to because Liara didn’t tell me everything.”

“Sure.” Shepard said. “Just give me a moment, I’ll be right back.”

/

She found Jane sitting on the floor of the bathroom, beside the hot tub.

“Hey.”

The clone’s eyes opened to peek at Shepard, her forearms resting on her knees, head leaning against the wall behind her.

“The quarian makes me uncomfortable.”

“Her name’s Tali. And she’s still downstairs.”

“Hm.” Jane closed her eyes. ““Why didn’t you tell me she was coming? Like you did with your Liara. I could have prepared.”

Shepard rested a hand at her hip. “To hide?”

_Yes._ The sound of the hot tub drowned out whatever conversation those two might have had after she left. Being separated was easy. It was better. Jane opened her mouth but no words came out.

“I don’t have an excuse.” Shepard said. “Not a good one anyway. I should have told you she was going to visit. I’m sorry. My mind was on something else.”

“You mean that pet of yours?”

“Essentially, but it’s more than that.” Shepard reached out and waited until Jane took her hand and helped her to her feet. She led her clone back into the bedroom, where she had placed the container on her bed. Jane looked down at the creature, glared really, but listened as Shepard continued.

“There’s only so much you can learn in six months, and most of that was based on an extreme pro-human stance.” Shepard’s words were careful, her tone calm. She wanted to help Jane, not make it out like she was attacking her. “But the galaxy is more than humans, and we’re not above the other species.”

The hamster gave a _meep_ and Jane resisted rolling her eyes.

“Exactly what do you want me to do?”

“Simple. Apologize.”

“To the hamster?”

“If you can’t make friends with this little guy, how are you going to survive that party we’re throwing later?”

“There’s going to be a party?” Jane asked, and Shepard brought her hand up to her forehead.

“Right, you weren’t here when Joker suggested that.” Shepard explained. “It’s not happening today. The Normandy still needs to get fixed up, so we have a while.”

The clone frowned. _Great._ “So who’s coming to this party?” There were quite a few faces she could go without seeing again.

Shepard found herself looking to the hamster.

“One step at a time, Jane. Apologize first, and then, if you want, come back downstairs. Tali’s not going to shoot you, you have my word.”

Jane crouched before the bed, looking into the cage at the hamster. Shepard left her to it and headed back downstairs.

Jane tapped the glass, watching the furball skitter back over to its corner. Black eyes stared at her.

She shook her head and went back to the bathroom.


	5. staying upstairs

A drell named Thane she only knew one thing of: he was a drell named Thane. And he was dead.

On the first floor was his son, some of the crew, some people she knew of by never met, and of course, Shepard.

Most of them were aliens. It was uncomfortable, but Jane had to stay on the second floor. Shepard didn’t want her leaving the apartment, and the few other crewmates that knew she was alive encouraged this until after the _Normandy_ was out of dry dock.

The service went on for a couple hours, and Jane was sitting in the bedroom Shepard had let her use for her own. Voices from below traveled upstairs, though she couldn’t hear most of it. She didn’t care what they were saying, but it still made her angry.

When Jane heard the last of them leaving she felt like she could finally breathe again. She ventured downstairs to find Shepard gone, and a photo of the drell resting on the piano’s surface.

His face looked like an exotic fish, and most of his skin—scales—were green. She reached over to the picture but stopped short.

This alien had been an ally of Shepard’s, and now he was gone. There were people who mourned him, aliens and human alike.

Yet if Shepard hadn’t reached out that day, Jane would have fallen to her death and no one would have mourned her.

_They would’ve celebrated._ Jane turned from the picture and slowly made her way back upstairs. Shepard was in her room, and there was a frozen picture of the dead drell on screen.

The clone didn’t know what to say, feeling intrusive. Shepard didn’t offer a smile. “Thanks.” She said. Thanks for staying upstairs while the others were here, thanks for pretending you didn’t exist. Jane ignored the anger still in her stomach.

“I’m sorry.” She said, her eyes drifting over to the screen with Thane’s face, unable to look away. A dying message. She _was_ intruding. Jane backed away, eyes going between Thane and Shepard.

Shepard didn’t go after Jane after she left the room. They each kept to themselves for the remainder of the day.

Later, when the Commander was asleep, Jane returned to the piano and picked up the datapad nearby. She selected the audio file and let it play.

_“… in front of a good crew. A crew you can trust with your life.”_

She took the photo of Thane and held it in her hand, trying to see pass the face of the alien.

_“Gifted, disciplined, brave.”_

Thane had died to save the salarian Councilor. The people who were here together thought that was important enough. And he was the opposite of what Jane was. Her skills weren’t even her own, and she had never tried to save anyone but herself.

The picture stayed the same, unchanging, and Jane wondered what she was doing wrong. What did she expect, for the green scales to morph into human flesh?

Jane putted the picture back onto the piano. She should’ve just stayed upstairs.


	6. nights and mares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My uploads are slow because I'm trying to make sure I have don't run out of material to put up, but I'm just been distracted by others writings. That said, this is my favorite chapter out of the ones I've written thus far.

Somewhere along the way, they ended up in bed together.

Even on shore leave Shepard had nightmares. Jane didn’t understand them much, but there were a lot of things about being Shepard she couldn’t figure out. One of them was that Liara. Jane just couldn’t see the appeal of her. In hindsight, it was probably better that way.

Shepard had jerked awake, now with opened eyes looking up at the ceiling. Jane said nothing from her side of the bed, watching her counterpart with vague interest.

The nightmares did put a strain on their newfound partnership.

“It’s not you.” Shepard said, putting the conversation to an end. It was supposed to be an assurance, but Shepard spoke in haste. She got out of bed and Jane turned over and buried her head in a pillow.

Jane didn’t want to talk about it, but _she wanted to talk about it, damn it._ Shepard said it wasn’t her, because she wasn’t Shepard. But even if she was a clone, even if she was called Jane instead… she was Shepard too.

“Get over yourself.” Jane mumbled through clenched teeth into the pillow. It was minutes before Shepard came back to bed, and she reached over and brought her arms around Jane. The clone went limp, letting herself be held.

“It’s not you.” Shepard’s said in a low voice, her breath warming Jane’s ear. “Don’t worry.”

 _Worry?_ Jane closed her eyes. “Are you worried?” Her words were fiercer than she meant.

Shepard’s eyes were barely opened, looking at the back of Jane’s head. With everything that’s happened since the _Normandy_ came in for retrofits, did Jane even know the bigger picture?

“The Reapers are still out there.” The Commander said. It was easier to forget during the day, hanging out with friends while getting periodic reports on the _Normandy_. “So yeah, I’m worried.”

Jane bit her tongue to keep from saying anymore. They had never talked about the war. She agreed she would help, that she would join the fight… but what could she accomplish that the _real_ Shepard couldn’t do on her own? It was pointless to worry, but then again Jane knew little. The Reapers were the enemy in the war, but she could hardly grasp how powerful they were, how fast they were moving through the galaxy.

Shepard’s nightmare, where she saw another her and a child, burning in fire. It had just been the child before and now Shepard jumped around the subject. She didn’t like talking about things with Jane, though she tried. They were her own struggles, but Jane wanted to take them on as well, to prove she could handle the pressure. To prove she was worthy. She believed the other Shepard in the dream was in fact her—the clone. But Shepard didn’t want to hear it.

“It’s not you.” Shepard stressed, tried of repeating herself. Eventually she drifted back to sleep, and Jane followed.

She had a dream of her own.

_‘Get off my ship.’ Shepard said in a menacing voice, looming over the Clone at the edge of the Normandy, hanging on for her life. Then Shepard held out her hand._

_‘Take it, hurry!’ And Shepard stepped on the Clone’s hands. Her fingers cracked, and she dropped down, down to the darkness below._

_Brooks stood by Shepard now, looking over to see the Clone’s fall. She yelled, “It’s not you! Don’t worry!”_


	7. sheep

Jane didn’t know how to feel about the crew. Liara seemed okay with her, she tried to engage Jane in conversation during her visits. The quarian—“Tali!” Shepard reminded with a frown—wasn’t bad either, but the clone preferred to avoid her when she could.

So when Shepard invited an old friend—a human, someone not part of the crew that Jane had fought with, she was interested.

It was a woman named Jack. Covered in tattoos she and Shepard bantered, and then the stranger whistled and in came a varren. Jane didn’t move from where she sat on the couch, but she looked over to see Shepard get knocked on her butt by the varren’s biotics. Jane might have laughed if her stomach wasn’t in knots, waiting for Jack to make a comment her way.

“Since you haven’t spoken yet I’m going to assume you’re the clone?” Jack said suddenly, her hand on her hip. Shepard picked up the frying pan from the ground and looked over to Jane.

“Yeah.” Jane said. It was obvious she wasn’t Shepard, even to this Jack. She was nothing more than a clone, a child to the real thing.

She could never be the real Shepard.

“…I can see it. She’s doing that broody thing you do.”

“I don’t _brood_.” Shepard said, mildly offended. “I think… deeply.”

The varren bit the frying pan and pulled it out of Shepard’s grip. The Commander released it easily enough, and the he trotted over to Jane, offering her the handle.

Without a word to the other two in the room Jane reached forward and tugged, but the varren didn’t let go. The frown on the clone’s face deepened.

“You show her, Eezo.” Jack said with a laugh and Jane tugged harder. She slid from the couch to her feet and tried again, but Eezo continued to hold on. Jane ended up sliding down to her knees, still pulling at the frying pan, though not all too hard, and fighting a smile.

At some point Shepard came back into the room—Jane hadn’t seen her leave before—and said she needed to go release Grunt from C-Sec’s custody.

“What did he do this time?” Jack asked, and Jane had stopped pulling at the frying pan, now sitting on the ground. Eezo dropped the pan and trotted back over to his owner.

“The message didn’t say. I’ll be back, could you…?” Shepard began, eyes going over to Jane.

“Yeah, sure.” Jack said, bending down to pat Eezo. “I wanted some alone time with her anyway.”

Shepard lifted an eyebrow in question, but kept quiet and nodded. With a quick goodbye to Jane she was out the door and gone from the apartment.

“Are you going to threaten me?” Jane asked right away, eyes set on the still standing woman. Jack looked confused.

“What? No.” She said. Jane picked up the frying pan from the floor and moved to stand. Eezo lifted his head eagerly.

“Down, Eezo.” Jack muttered, following the clone into the kitchen. Jane placed the pan into the sink and didn’t turn to face her. Jack frowned.

“Okay, so I know what happened: you tried to kill Shepard to take over her life because some psycho Cerberus bitch made you think it’d be fun to destroy the one person who’s leading the charge for this war.”

Jane’s head snapped up. “Maya isn’t a part of Cerberus anymore.”

Her heart was pounding. Shepard didn’t talk about Maya. Not in front of her anyway. It was hard enough adjusting to this new life when her old life was sitting in some top security prison.

“Shit. Look, I’m not trying to egg you on.” Jack said, but Jane flinched anyway. “Or threaten you, or make you feel bad about yourself because you aren’t Shepard.”

“Gee, thanks.” Jane said sarcastically.

“Hey.” Jack said, her voice tense. “If Shepard’s keeping you around it’s probably for a good reason. She has this knack for dealing with people messed in the head.”

_“And then you live!”_

_“For what?”_

_“For yourself!”_

Jane shrugged and turned to the back of the room. Her flare of anger ebbed away. This stranger was the first one to tell her it was a good thing she was still alive.

The one called Samara was the second.

“I believe in Shepard, and she believes in you.” The asari explained, and Jane didn’t break eye contact because she didn’t want to be rude.

The crew comes and goes at irregular intervals to the apartment. Jane doesn’t meet them all because they don’t all show up. Shepard was out to meet with the prothean and when she came back—

“How’d it go?” Jane asked, her stomach unsettled. Another member of Shepard’s team to find out about her existence. Shepard tried to look nonchalant.

“He suggested I throw you out the airlock.” She said, then smiled. “Don’t worry about that too much. He feels the same way about EDI.”

Jane wouldn’t worry except soon enough there was going to be a party, and Shepard would invite all the people she had once been trying to kill.

“Hello Jane.”

Jane wasn’t surprised to see Liara again, but she still had to force a “hello” through her teeth. The asari gave a genuine smile in return, knowing the clone was trying.

Shepard wasn’t the worst cook around, but Liara helped out. Jane leaned against the counter, the same spot Tali once took while she had gone looking through the fridge, and watched the couple as they scrapped together a meal for three.

“Do you require assistance, Dr. T’Soni?” The VI Glyph asked, hovering outside the kitchen and moving in the air as though wishing to join in.

“That’s not necessary, Glyph. Thank you.” Liara said, not looking up from the counter where she was chopping. Jane waited a moment, counting to ten silently.

“Can I go out?”

And just like that Liara stopped working and Shepard looked over curiously. The clone hadn’t left since Shepard brought her into the apartment. Most people on the Citadel didn’t know about the clone, and though C-Sec was aware of the predicament Shepard had used her Spectre status to keep them away. The plan was to wait until the Normandy was finished and they could leave the station before openly showing to the galaxy two Shepards.

“Go out where?”

“The combat simulator.”

“Armax Aresenal?” Shepard said. Her thoughts went to Jane’s original purpose sans Brooks. To replace her. Now the clone was on their side, but she had been cooped up in the apartment. Did she miss the fighting already?

“I think that’s a good idea.” Liara said. Shepard blinked and looked to her.

“You do?”

Liara picked up working on the food again. “She’s going to be coming with us once the Normandy is finished. The Armax fights includes going against Reaper creatures, and now’s as good a time as any for her to start getting experience fighting the enemy.”

A smile wormed its way on Jane’s face, the corner of her mouth lifting up.

“They’re just simulations.” Shepard countered, and Jane’s smile disappeared. “But…”

Shepard looked to Jane, and the clone didn’t know what to feel. The real Shepard didn’t owe her any favors, the fact that she was even alive only enforced the idea that she shouldn’t push for anything.

“If someone goes with you, it’s fine.”

Jane wanted to bang her head against the wall. She just wanted to get out of the apartment. Part of her imaged Liara stepping in again, telling Shepard that she wasn’t a child and letting her go.

“That’s probably a good idea.” Said the asari, and Jane felt alone and uncomfortable.

“Who then?” She asked, hoping to hide her growing irritation.

/

  
The three of them stood in the athlete’s-only section below the spectator level. Jane held the M-3 Predator pistol in her hand. Tali was reading through the datapad regarding the rules for the arena while Samara stood by the elevator door leading to the simulator.

Jane looked over to the Arc Pistol the quarian had on her. Then she went through the settings for the combat simulator.

_Why the quarian?_ Jane wondered after she clicked the confirm button and stepped back from the console. _Why not Jack?_

Samara gave a nod to the clone when she moved her way. Jane felt better knowing the asari was there.

“You ready?” She asked over to Tali and the quarian placed the datapad back where she had picked it up.

“Sure.” Tali said, following the pair into the elevator.

/

  
_POP. POP. POP._

Jane fired the pistol without thinking. The match had just began and before the holograms fully formed she was shooting.

“Keep a clear head.” Tali yelled as she ducked into cover. Jane hissed through her teeth and looked at the hologram creatures.

_These things are ugly._ She thought and took another shot. The cannibal fell over and disappeared. The one beside it then followed after it, and Jane glared over to Tali.

“Kill streak!” The Armax VI called for the quarian. “Two!”

More creatures spawned, and a husk came running towards the clone. She only hesitated for a moment before pulling the trigger three more times.

“That was a human.” She said, and another husk was picked into the air, its body outlined in blue.  
“These are only holograms.” Samara said, coming to Jane’s side. “But you are correct. The Reapers use whoever they can, regardless of the species.”

“Not everyone.” Tali’s said, her combat drone moving through the battlefield. Jane said nothing, and Samara had gone from her side again, weaving through the enemies, biotics flying.

“Round one is over.” The VI’s voice said over the field. Jane clicked out the thermal clip of her pistol.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Samara asked, and Jane noticed that she was the shorter of the two.

“Better than the apartment.” She said, not bothering to hide her grin. The VI began the countdown to round two.

More rounds fired. Jane’s arm glowed orange, and she fired the explosive plasma from her omni-tool.

“Nice shot!” The quarian encouraged, and Jane’s grin widened.

“Thanks.”

/

  
Hours later, Jane entered the apartment at a pace. Her heart was pounding.

“Are you all right?” Liara’s voice, and Jane wanted to run right back out of the building.

“Yeah.” Jane said, clearly flustered. “Where’s Shepard?”

“She’s asleep upstairs.” Liara told her. “I told her I’d wait up for you.”

_It’s not even that late, why is Shepard slee—oh._ Jane’s face heated more, and she stepped around Liara.

“Something happened.” The asari said, not letting the clone get away from her.

“We didn’t make the list at the Arena.” Jane said. It wasn’t a lie.

Liara tipped her head with a knowing look. “Something else.”

Wow, was this uncomfortable. Finally, Jane sighed.

“The quarian—Tali—she,” Jane avoided Liara’s eyes. “After we finished… she called me Shepard.”

“Oh.” Was all Liara could get out of her mouth. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Jane stared. “With you?”

“If you want.”

“Why? What does it matter?” Jane asked. “You finish with one Shepard and now you want to have your way with the other?”

Liara’s eyes widened—in embarrassment? Anger?

“What—we didn’t,” Her own face colored in a blush. “We didn’t have sex. Shepard just wanted to rest.”

“Whatever. Shepard’s not my mother, and you’re not my… other mother either.” Jane said, turning away.

Liara didn’t chase after her, for which Jane was grateful. She was growing tired of aliens.


	8. time out

“Okay, I know Liara told you, but we don’t need to talk about it.”

“We do, actually.”

Jane sighed, sitting at the bar in the room with the big screen. Shepard slid behind the counter.

“The quarian just—”

“Her name’s Tali.” Shepard interrupted. “How about we talk about _that_ first.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Jane said, abandoning her cereal. “She makes me uncomfortable.”

“That’s not nothing.” Shepard said, and the clone huffed.

“Because she’s a _quarian_. An alien. Don’t you remember all that stuff I said back when I was trying to _kill_ you?”

“I do. And I realize it’s probably not the easiest thing, but—”

“But? But what! You’re Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, Protector of _Everyone_.”

Jane stood up from her chair. “I’m alive because of you. I’m _not_ _dead_ because of you!”

Shepard remained quiet, seeing the other person’s face twist, letting loose the bottled resentment.

“What do I get? Someone who says she’ll help me but ends up running away when I need her?” Jane said, voice quickly going hoarse. “A name, _your_ name, that no one else even uses. Worthles—”

“Hey!” Shepard jumped in, walking around the bar so she could stand face-to-face with Jane. “I know I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you, but the same can be said in reverse. I _died_ and then came back, and I’m still not sure how.”

Shepard took a breath to steady herself.

“But that doesn’t mean you’re worthless. You may be my clone but you’re every bit as alive as I am.”

Jane looked away and Shepard stepped in closer. It was still odd in retrospect, but Shepard was getting used to seeing this face as not her own. Skin and eyes and hair were all the same, but they appeared different. In the mirror she recognized a scared soldier with a lifetime of memories. In the face of her clone was an empty background filled with anger and disappointment.

“And your name doesn’t have to be Jane either.” Shepard said. “It’s not like you have any documents so it won’t be too hard to change it.”

The Clone paused. “I don’t know what else to be called.”

“We’ll figure it out, or you will.” Shepard assured, and Jane nodded. Brooks called her Shepard. Shepard called her Jane. It was time she figured out what to go by on her own.

“Now, about last night...”

_Damn it._

“Let me start off by saying that Liara and I, we didn’t… I was tired, and she said she would wait until you got back. Just to be safe.”

“Thought I’d murder you’re friends while you weren’t looking?”

Shepard didn’t rise to the bait, and Jane reached for her dish at the bar’s counter. Like hell she was going to eat now.

“Sorry.” She heard herself mumble as Shepard followed her into the kitchen.

“Do you want to?” The question was odd, and Jane wondered the intent.

“No.” She said quickly. It was the right answer; the one Shepard wanted to hear. But Shepard also wanted honesty.

“Yes? I don’t know.” Jane turned and leaned back against the sink, wondering when Shepard would change her mind and realize letting her live wasn’t the right decision.

“What do you want me to say, Shepard? I’m not going to try and rupture the quarian’s suit, don’t worry.” The quarian wasn’t so bad. Once Jane stepped into the Arena’s simulator things were easier. They were playing on the same side, and Samara was there. It was good.

“She keeps mistaking me as you.”

“Well, we are identical.” Shepard said. It was meant as a tease, but Jane only looked more upset. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it. How’d it happen anyway?”

“Before we left that athlete’s section. ‘That was fun, right, Shepard?’ I think she felt bad about it, kind of hard to tell with—with the mask…”

Shepard gave a weak smile. “Okay. Then it was adrenaline. Anyway, Tali’s not always good with words. Try not to let it get you down.”

“Fine.” Jane said. She wasn’t sure how she felt, but perhaps it was best to let it go. She really rather not talk about it anymore anyway.

“Good.” Shepard said with a nod. Then she hesitated. “Uh, so, about Liara.”

Jane didn’t try to hide her contempt, her eyes burning. “Didn’t we just go over this?”

“Sort of? Not really.” Shepard  said. She knew Jane didn’t want to talk about any of this. If she was honest, it wasn’t really something she wanted to discuss either. “Wha— _why_ does she bother you?”

“She’s an alien; I told you how I feel about them. Look, I’m trying…”

Shepard crossed her arms. “Then why don’t you have a problem with Samara?”

The clone paused before looking Shepard in the eye. “Samara’s nice. Besides, you’re not sleeping with her.”

“Is that what this is about? What does it matter who I’m sleeping with?”

Jane gave silence for her answer, letting Shepard fit the pieces together.

“Are you attracted to Liara?” Shepard asked. Jane was her clone, and they had their differences, but it wasn’t that much of a stretch to think that was the problem.

Expect Jane didn’t look particularly enthused at the idea. Her face scrunched together in distaste.

“No! I’m not attracted to her, are you nuts?” Jane hissed out, mortified at the thought. Shepard looked at the other woman in defeat, motioning for her to explain. Jane took a breath.

“You guys are together, and I was supposed to be you.” She said. “Liara feels a certain way about you, and it’s just… weird talking to her, when we look the same.”

Shepard had to resist the “that’s it?” that sat on her tongue. Jane was essentially a child in an adult body at times, not to mention her issues regarding her self-worth. Shepard reached out and gave a quick pat to Jane’s shoulder.

“It’s a strange situation, I’ll admit, but Liara likes me for who I am, not what I look like. Or who looks like me.” She hoped it was the right thing to say.

“Then… I’ll try not to give her anymore crap.” Jane said, relenting. She’s not fond of Liara, but she can’t say that the asari hadn’t been nice to her.

“Don’t try too hard.” Shepard said, closer now and somehow it ended up with them hugging. “You’re only human after all.”

Jane can feel her body lose its tension against Shepard, leaning just a bit into the embrace.

It was a good feeling. 


End file.
